Muddled in the Middle

I can't tell you how hard it was to find a picture depicting surrender! Darn you, American database. Fighting Does Not Equal "Time Together"  My husband and I can go weeks...maybe even months without having a fight. I don't know if that is normal or not, but I'm keeping in mind that we have no kids or house yet.   But when we do fight, we will have a sort of "fight-week" where we just keep getting hurt. We'll nit-pick, take a break and go our separate ways, then come back, apologize. Then the next day, something will happen at work maybe and the mood will be tense again. Then the next day, he or I will say something the wrong way and frustration mixed with exhaustion from a tense week will break us down again. By the time the weekend comes (or the second weekend), we MISS each other. That soft, sweet person who is so easy to love hasn't been around (I include myself in that description) and it's like we haven't seen each ot...

I hope you find these funny. My husband and I have realized that we only fight about stupid stuff--which is a good sign, right? I mean, if we handle the big stuff with patience and maturity, the fights about little stuff must really be about something else, other outside stresses. When we resolve our petty fights, it usually comes out that the real motivating factor had nothing to do with the original issue. 1.          Whether or Not to Leave Appliances Plugged In My husband is a fanatic about unplugging appliances when you finish using them. ALL appliances. Like the coffee maker. Or lamps. It was really annoying at first to turn on a light switch and no light would come on. And it was a struggle at first. He would have to come behind me unplugging everything and I was going behind him and replugging everything. When we finally confronted each other about it, I felt like it was a trust issue and he felt like he was trying to protect me. Finally, it was...

I've been thinking a lot about how babies change a marriage. In one of my recent posts, Things We Fear Before Having a Baby , I discussed my fears in terms of parenting but that might be nothing compared to how it will effect my marriage. I mean, kids are resilient, right?  But your marriage sometimes seems so fragile that big life changes seem so daunting:   New job = new responsibilities + different pay (maybe not better pay) + new BOSS* + coming home with whole new set of moods = the chains of marriage rattling Losing job = WAY too much time on your hands + insecurities of being unemployed and possibly worthless + not selected for TONS of jobs applied for + hubs is tired from his own job = chains of marriage rusting BABY = no sleep + no time to talk + too tired to talk + trying to go back to work + maybe having more than one kid + possibility that one child has a severe disorder = chains of marriage breakin...

If anyone’s ever seen the comic from Hyperbole & a Half, the comic entitled “Depression” does a fantastic job at describing my own awkwardness. In it, there is a woman talking and another looking at her with a strange face (this would be me). The woman stops talking and asks, “What are you doing?” The other (me) responds, “I’m...connecting with you.” This is how I feel when I talk with others. I’m constantly wondering if I’m making the right face.  I always thought I would marry some awkward computer geek that relied on me and my social graces (I thought they were awesome at the time) to maneuver through a party or some other social engagement. I thought it would be cute--he would be nervous, but I would take his hand confidently and, like talk him and his Doctorate in The Sciences up to others to include him in the conversation. Sort of like that scene in A Beautiful Mind where Russel Crowe and Jennifer Connolly go on their first date and she cutely nudges him to be at...

My husband is the best ally I have. He’s hands down in my side of the boxing ring. He’s telling me, “good job, you’ve got this, we’re in it together.” When my boss told me we were just “dreaming together” when we discussed a possible promotion, my husband told me I had every right to confront him about how that was uncool. When someone flipped me the bird after cutting ME off, he told me that was messed up and I had every right to be upset. When a stranger started asking me really personal questions and getting a little too close for comfort, he also was weirded out and was glad I got out of there.  But here’s the crazy thing, having a life-long ally is not always so awesome. When you’re on your own, you can convince yourself that things are pretty good--with your friends, your job, your family.... I mean, sure, you have a few question marks over a couple of incidences and you have your suspicions you are not being treated well, but there is a world of explanations you ...

money.aol.co.uk When you are dating seriously, people ask when you will get engaged.  When you get engaged, people ask “when’s the date?” When you get married, people ask when you’re planning on having children. Hopefully they are family and not some nosey busy-body from work. But when my sister asked me this question, I said, “Hopefully not for a long time.” She was surprised. But I honestly never thought I would get to get married. Never saw that one on the horizon. Not that I think I’m ugly or am against marriage--I just never thought that something as wonderful as falling in love could ever happy to me. Anyway...babies. Babies??? Whoa, whoa, whoa, people. I’m just getting used to sharing a toothbrush with ONE other person, metaphorically speaking. I mean, my whole life just turned upside down. I don’t want to get all wishy-washy on you as to all the things I would miss in our marriage if a baby came, but honestly, I rarely see a baby I wish was my own....

Kelly, aspiring singer and past auditioner for American Idol once said that if you don’t “fit the part” or have a story the country will find interesting, you don’t make it.  I remember watching one year and seeing one girl in the round 1 or 2 phase having a great voice (better than others that made it, in my opinion), being told that American Idol had a certain image to keep and she didn’t fit it. She was a little overweight. I have seen goths, wiccans, ska, and men looking like women (see my article on Skinny Jeans for Men), but that girl “didn’t fit the mold.”   Is this our only cut-off? If we are so desperate to be Lady Gaga’s “little monsters” and tell the world, “We were born this way,” then why do we still have these judgement calls? 

jimmyroh.wordpress.com Even though I got married later, there were so many unknowns when I got married.  1. What were his expectations for sex? Will he want it rough? Will I want it rough? What if our “method” isn’t the same? 2. Will he expect me to keep everything super clean? Sure, I helped him out a lot when we were engaged, but maybe he was just being lax to be nice. 3. He likes fishing. Will he be gone all the time? Has he just been taking a little while off to get hitched and then he’ll be gone all the time? What happens if we have more hobbies not in common?  4. Everyone knows money is the number one reason for divorce. We talked about money, even went through a class together, but how much does he really spend on things I would never agree to? Will we be good at managing our finances together?  Every woman wants to imagine her man as patient, understanding, logical, and, well, malleable. She would also like to believe she is all those thi...

Is it just me? Am I the only one disturbed by this? First of all, a baby would never allow all those strings to remain tied. Second....leopard print???  Now, it is a little funny that the bottom has to be made so big as to fit over the baby’s diaper, but come on.  Just to show you I did do some research, you can check it out yourself at babybikini.com.  Now, the goal of this site is not to draw your attention to horrors and gaze in wonder at how messed up it is. That’s what gossip columns do. This, friends, is a call to action. This is to point out a true American Morality Fail.