Finding a Marriage Partner that Fills in Your Gaps

If anyone’s ever seen the comic from Hyperbole & a Half, the comic entitled “Depression” does a fantastic job at describing my own awkwardness. In it, there is a woman talking and another looking at her with a strange face (this would be me). The woman stops talking and asks, “What are you doing?” The other (me) responds, “I’m...connecting with you.” This is how I feel when I talk with others. I’m constantly wondering if I’m making the right face. 

I always thought I would marry some awkward computer geek that relied on me and my social graces (I thought they were awesome at the time) to maneuver through a party or some other social engagement. I thought it would be cute--he would be nervous, but I would take his hand confidently and, like talk him and his Doctorate in The Sciences up to others to include him in the conversation. Sort of like that scene in A Beautiful Mind where Russel Crowe and Jennifer Connolly go on their first date and she cutely nudges him to be attentive. “A champagne would be lovely...” 

NOPE. I had to marry a communications major because I’m practically RETARDED when it comes to social gatherings. I breath a huge sigh of relief if I can find one person on their own who also seems not to know anyone and leap upon them as if they were my prey and fire questions at them all night so I can at least look like I’m mingling. 

My need to marry someone who was a better communicator than me became very clear when I agreed to meet someone I had only emailed online for a blind date. He was hilarious through email (and writing my topics of conversation probably was a bonus for me too), but when we met at that Panera, his inability to transition from topic to topic became clear. Horribly, painfully, abysmally clear.

Sitting at a tiny table, uncomfortably and inescapably close, I had no choice but to fire questIon after question at him for THREE HOURS. He thought it went quite well. And I, like the spineless sucker I am, told him that I wasn’t remotely interested in him romantically, I hoped we could just hang out, you know, as friends. [*We met on a DATING website.] He wasn’t up for it.

My husband’s policy is to cut it short. If it’s over, it’s over. You move on. None of this “Well, maybe it could work this time...” 

He’s also amazing at taking over conversations in a group when my SocioMeter has reached it’s limit.

What I’m saying is, my spouse fills in my gaps. Before I met him, I always wanted to go camping, but could never get my act together to make it happen. He does. 

I can’t do numbers and as many classes on money management I took before we met, I couldn’t figure out how to budget. My method was to just live like a homeless person and never leave my home other than for work. So we have budget meetings together. 

If you’re looking, look for someone who fills in your gaps.