Baby Eat Marriage: What Happens After Baby Comes


I've been thinking a lot about how babies change a marriage. In one of my recent posts, Things We Fear Before Having a Baby, I discussed my fears in terms of parenting but that might be nothing compared to how it will effect my marriage. I mean, kids are resilient, right?  But your marriage sometimes seems so fragile that big life changes seem so daunting:  
  • New job = new responsibilities + different pay (maybe not better pay) + new BOSS* + coming home with whole new set of moods = the chains of marriage rattling
  • Losing job = WAY too much time on your hands + insecurities of being unemployed and possibly worthless + not selected for TONS of jobs applied for + hubs is tired from his own job = chains of marriage rusting
  • BABY = no sleep + no time to talk + too tired to talk + trying to go back to work + maybe having more than one kid + possibility that one child has a severe disorder = chains of marriage breaking???


 I know, I know. My husband has shown me the true meaning of escalation thinking. Actually, I never really went there before him. My method was to just mentally ignore whatever was nagging me until it resolved itself.

 I talked to a woman yesterday about her life. It was one of those rare glimpses through a stranger's eyes. We have actually never met and by odd circumstances I was able to hear her life story. She and her husband graduated from college, and immediately started new jobs and got pregnant. With furtive promises she would keep up with her work, her company allowed her to be more flexible in her work hours, meaning late nights catching up on work, even if that meant while laying on her side (she got preeclampsia after her first). They were forced to adopt her niece quickly thereafter and found themselves with two kids and still halfway deep in college debt. Long story short, she had four kids in 5 years, the first having severe Autism and she and her husband rare see each other. She goes to work early and he sees the kids off to school, he gets home late so she can be there to see them off the bus. At one point, she told me, she was using three different day cares. 

 All this to say, if my husband and I get home and are too tired to chat NOW, how are we going to bond and share with children?? 

Comments

  1. CarmenJuly 25, 2014 at 7:41 AM

    I'm right there on that escalation thinking.

    ReplyDelete

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