Muddled in the Middle

I got burned at my last job. I hadn't been doing my last job but for a couple of years, being in the beginning of my career, and was told I sucked at what I did and was being let go because they didn't have time to train me to get better. Disappointing! It cut me deep. Hugely shell-shocked, I was hesitant to return to a similar position at a different company. Will they hate me again? If I instinctively suck, then why would this time be different?  I mean sure, the people are nicer and the facilities are awesome, but doesn't it all come down to skills? whether or not I can actually do the job successfully? Aware of all this, I have bombarded my boss with unsolicited, home-made projects and reports, hoping that my enthusiasm and dedication might override my inability to be good at the job, or at least, hide it in the shade for a little while. Shade of the Distraction Tree. "Where is she?" they ask.   "I don't know, but have you seen this amazin...

I have been looking for jobs for about a year now and it's been a really frustrating experience. My husband has been supportive even when he comes home and I'm in a foul, crabby mood. It's hard not to define oneself by what one does. Wife?  Yes. But I don't know what does to define me as a person. Except that over time the constant accountability from living with someone in close quarters makes me a better person. And it also keeps me from hanging out with friends as much as I used to. Aunt?  No, I'm too far from family to be remotely defined by that title. Mother would be a very defining title, but I have not earned that yet. Likewise with Homeowner. So, what am I yet, if not defined by my job title?  I will not tell you my current job title, because I do not define myself by it any more; I don't want it. If I get the job I want, I'll tell you what it is, but I'm sure you could guess. The frustrations in job searching about because of the g...

I can't tell you how hard it was to find a picture depicting surrender! Darn you, American database. Fighting Does Not Equal "Time Together"  My husband and I can go weeks...maybe even months without having a fight. I don't know if that is normal or not, but I'm keeping in mind that we have no kids or house yet.   But when we do fight, we will have a sort of "fight-week" where we just keep getting hurt. We'll nit-pick, take a break and go our separate ways, then come back, apologize. Then the next day, something will happen at work maybe and the mood will be tense again. Then the next day, he or I will say something the wrong way and frustration mixed with exhaustion from a tense week will break us down again. By the time the weekend comes (or the second weekend), we MISS each other. That soft, sweet person who is so easy to love hasn't been around (I include myself in that description) and it's like we haven't seen each ot...

I hope you find these funny. My husband and I have realized that we only fight about stupid stuff--which is a good sign, right? I mean, if we handle the big stuff with patience and maturity, the fights about little stuff must really be about something else, other outside stresses. When we resolve our petty fights, it usually comes out that the real motivating factor had nothing to do with the original issue. 1.          Whether or Not to Leave Appliances Plugged In My husband is a fanatic about unplugging appliances when you finish using them. ALL appliances. Like the coffee maker. Or lamps. It was really annoying at first to turn on a light switch and no light would come on. And it was a struggle at first. He would have to come behind me unplugging everything and I was going behind him and replugging everything. When we finally confronted each other about it, I felt like it was a trust issue and he felt like he was trying to protect me. Finally, it was...

I've been thinking a lot about how babies change a marriage. In one of my recent posts, Things We Fear Before Having a Baby , I discussed my fears in terms of parenting but that might be nothing compared to how it will effect my marriage. I mean, kids are resilient, right?  But your marriage sometimes seems so fragile that big life changes seem so daunting:   New job = new responsibilities + different pay (maybe not better pay) + new BOSS* + coming home with whole new set of moods = the chains of marriage rattling Losing job = WAY too much time on your hands + insecurities of being unemployed and possibly worthless + not selected for TONS of jobs applied for + hubs is tired from his own job = chains of marriage rusting BABY = no sleep + no time to talk + too tired to talk + trying to go back to work + maybe having more than one kid + possibility that one child has a severe disorder = chains of marriage breakin...

If anyone’s ever seen the comic from Hyperbole & a Half, the comic entitled “Depression” does a fantastic job at describing my own awkwardness. In it, there is a woman talking and another looking at her with a strange face (this would be me). The woman stops talking and asks, “What are you doing?” The other (me) responds, “I’m...connecting with you.” This is how I feel when I talk with others. I’m constantly wondering if I’m making the right face.  I always thought I would marry some awkward computer geek that relied on me and my social graces (I thought they were awesome at the time) to maneuver through a party or some other social engagement. I thought it would be cute--he would be nervous, but I would take his hand confidently and, like talk him and his Doctorate in The Sciences up to others to include him in the conversation. Sort of like that scene in A Beautiful Mind where Russel Crowe and Jennifer Connolly go on their first date and she cutely nudges him to be at...

My husband is the best ally I have. He’s hands down in my side of the boxing ring. He’s telling me, “good job, you’ve got this, we’re in it together.” When my boss told me we were just “dreaming together” when we discussed a possible promotion, my husband told me I had every right to confront him about how that was uncool. When someone flipped me the bird after cutting ME off, he told me that was messed up and I had every right to be upset. When a stranger started asking me really personal questions and getting a little too close for comfort, he also was weirded out and was glad I got out of there.  But here’s the crazy thing, having a life-long ally is not always so awesome. When you’re on your own, you can convince yourself that things are pretty good--with your friends, your job, your family.... I mean, sure, you have a few question marks over a couple of incidences and you have your suspicions you are not being treated well, but there is a world of explanations you ...

money.aol.co.uk When you are dating seriously, people ask when you will get engaged.  When you get engaged, people ask “when’s the date?” When you get married, people ask when you’re planning on having children. Hopefully they are family and not some nosey busy-body from work. But when my sister asked me this question, I said, “Hopefully not for a long time.” She was surprised. But I honestly never thought I would get to get married. Never saw that one on the horizon. Not that I think I’m ugly or am against marriage--I just never thought that something as wonderful as falling in love could ever happy to me. Anyway...babies. Babies??? Whoa, whoa, whoa, people. I’m just getting used to sharing a toothbrush with ONE other person, metaphorically speaking. I mean, my whole life just turned upside down. I don’t want to get all wishy-washy on you as to all the things I would miss in our marriage if a baby came, but honestly, I rarely see a baby I wish was my own....

Kelly, aspiring singer and past auditioner for American Idol once said that if you don’t “fit the part” or have a story the country will find interesting, you don’t make it.  I remember watching one year and seeing one girl in the round 1 or 2 phase having a great voice (better than others that made it, in my opinion), being told that American Idol had a certain image to keep and she didn’t fit it. She was a little overweight. I have seen goths, wiccans, ska, and men looking like women (see my article on Skinny Jeans for Men), but that girl “didn’t fit the mold.”   Is this our only cut-off? If we are so desperate to be Lady Gaga’s “little monsters” and tell the world, “We were born this way,” then why do we still have these judgement calls? 

jimmyroh.wordpress.com Even though I got married later, there were so many unknowns when I got married.  1. What were his expectations for sex? Will he want it rough? Will I want it rough? What if our “method” isn’t the same? 2. Will he expect me to keep everything super clean? Sure, I helped him out a lot when we were engaged, but maybe he was just being lax to be nice. 3. He likes fishing. Will he be gone all the time? Has he just been taking a little while off to get hitched and then he’ll be gone all the time? What happens if we have more hobbies not in common?  4. Everyone knows money is the number one reason for divorce. We talked about money, even went through a class together, but how much does he really spend on things I would never agree to? Will we be good at managing our finances together?  Every woman wants to imagine her man as patient, understanding, logical, and, well, malleable. She would also like to believe she is all those thi...

Is it just me? Am I the only one disturbed by this? First of all, a baby would never allow all those strings to remain tied. Second....leopard print???  Now, it is a little funny that the bottom has to be made so big as to fit over the baby’s diaper, but come on.  Just to show you I did do some research, you can check it out yourself at babybikini.com.  Now, the goal of this site is not to draw your attention to horrors and gaze in wonder at how messed up it is. That’s what gossip columns do. This, friends, is a call to action. This is to point out a true American Morality Fail.

It’s hard to know where to begin with this blue, milk-glass hen I love so much. There are SO MANY available in most every antique store you walk into. But I was looking for something specific. Carolyne Rhoem, New York Socialite decor artist (like Martha Stewart only classy and without the jail thing) and a see-through dark blue glass hen and she’s what got me on the hunt for my own. In case you didn’t know, the glass hen on the nest has a HUGE following. I’m determined not to own more than one, but I have seen a few that surprised me and I wanted to add to this little beauty. Just to show you what a big deal she is, there is a book available on amazon.com called “Glass Hen on Next Covered Dishes: Identification & Value Guide.”  Then there’s the National Milk Glass Collector’s Society which has an extensive article about identification and classification of glass hens on nest ( http://nmgcs.org/articles/42-hen-on-a-nest-studying-a-glass-collection.html ) . ...

I used to get so mad at my parents when they would claim they couldn’t do something because “life has been too busy recently and we just can’t do it.” No it hasn’t! I protested. We went to “Splasharama” last weekend and that was it! We can have guests for dinner. Just make a little extra food. How hard is that? I couldn’t understand their argument: You WERE busy last weekend + you aren’t busy now, Therefore, Elle can’t have friends over.  But now I get it. Because....I finally did it this week. I played the married card. While wrought with guilt, allow me to explain it away. It’s not because I’m tired. I will not be taking a nap. I will not be doing anything “fun.”  I will most likely be sitting on couch with my hubs. But here’s the kicker: I wasn’t doing that the past three weekends. When we aren’t together, one on one, we aren’t bonding. We aren’t together. Does that make sense?  When you go to a party and everyone’s chatting, even if you’re standing toge...

I’m starting off Antique Love with a group of much-loved frames that are not antiques. They are from Hobby Lobby by Sheffield, which always reminds me of The Nanny. I wanted to find frames that would do my Italian great-grandparents justice.  My great-grandmother, Nona, had a snazzy sense of fashion and a sassy way about her, as you can tell from the picture. See that bag she’s got? Crocodile. And my mother still has it.  My great-grandfather, Nono, as seen playing shuffleboard on ship’s decks, left Italy after they demanded he return his issued boots (the only shoes he had) after he fought in the French-Italian war. He said, “That’s it, I’m done. I’m going to America.” He made his first million with his Italian Wine Company in New York City, lost it all the great depression, and made it back afterward. I can’t believe how much my grandfather looked like him.  With a tale like this, I can hardly give them...

I looked long and hard for my teapot. I wanted it to be large enough to be able to serve tea to a small group of people, but beautiful enough to be a decorative ornament, as well.  But looking for a tea pot is a soul-searching experience. Who am I? Do I want a tea pot that’s Asian because I went to China? Well, no, because I didn’t like it there. Do I want a teapot from Ten Thousand Villages that says “exotic Africa?”  They look cool, but it’s not ME...and on and on this inner struggle continued.  I even considered throwing out the idea of ceramics all together and just go with a traditional British metal tray, teapot and cream and sugar dishes. But I’ve got teacups (post on those coming) and I wanted ceramics again. You’ll never guess where I found it. TJ Maxx by Home Essentials. It was waiting for me in the section with teas and coffee. You see the strawberry on top with jagged leave partruding?  One of those leave was slightly...

sweetjanespopboutique.blogspot.co It’s true. Here’s the FAIL that started it all, a Bratz doll. When I first saw these ladies, I was horrified. Now, I highlight my hair on occasion, and her wedges do look startlingly familiar. But the half shoulder dress with a “Twiggy-esque” hemline and extra seductive eyes and makeup?  I’m not sure of the intended age-group for this product (trust me, I searched the product website), but my guess is that these are for age 6-10. The website, bratz.com, introduces you to the whole gang: Yasmine, Chloe, Jade, and Sasha--not your typical Tiffany, Jennifer, and Ashley. I’m not going to give a history of doll names over time (Barbie definitly didn’t make it through the 1980s), but I’m pretty sure these names were not chosen for their modern popularity.  tattoopins.com equinceanera.com Accessories you can add are wigs with a different style and hair color and a feather boa. Bratz we...

howilostmymancard.com Yeah, I know male photograpers have inducted Skinny Jeans as their official garb, but remember the time before it existed? Remember what photographers wore then? Are remember how they were still artsy and cool?   I don’t know if it’s the lack of role models or what, but someone needs to show today’s men how to dress like men. No more Beiber hairstyles to the side-swoop, no more skinny jeans and no more V-neck shirts. Like, forever.  I lived in China for a year and apparently, it has become really popular for guys to be really skinny, pale, and have really spiked-out hair. Sound familiar? Yes, it’s modeled after Japanation--Japanese animation characters like Dragon Balls Z. My Chinese friend explained to me that girls like this style (the guy looking pale and sickly) because they can feel needed, like the guy needs her to nurse him back to health. Is this what we want???

meganrantsabout.wordpress.com So many of my guy friends have told me why they “had” to break up with that cute little chiquita banana they were dating just a little while ago. And of course, they claimed she went crazy.  “Really??” I say, “She seemed so cool.” But no. She went crazy-go-nuts on his tail. Yelling at him and always trying to know where he was.  Alright, kids, here’s what’s up. Physical relationships bond you in a way you neeeeeever could have anticipated. If a chick is cool breeze about you disappearing for a few hours with your bros and not saying so, or not panicking if you don’t wanna hang out with her, she’s either cheating on you and not so much attached, or you should wonder how many relation ships (or relations) before you she’s had. For you doubters, let me explain. Origin unknown When you hitch up with someone, you’re taking on all their baggage from previous relationships (including the witnessed relationship of their parents’ mar...